I’ve always had an inner monologue, a bit like Scrubs except funnier ;). Whenever something happens in my life, I analyse it in my head a million times and try to make sense of it, but today I thought i’d use this blog. When I was a kid I loved to write. I wrote diaries and scripts for pretend radio shows with my best friend, and as a massive bookworm I have always envied those who could articulate a story so beautifully. Although this blog is mostly revolved around recipes and my meat free lifestyle, it’s also an opportunity for me to just write what’s on my mind – and today that is the high expectations of your appearance and the idea that in order to be happy you have to look a certain way
We’re brainwashed to think this way – it’s scary how much so these days. To the point where I am engaged to the love of my life & my best friend, but I can’t get excited about Wedding planning because of the sheer dread of dress shopping. To the point where I am a Bridesmaid at my Brother’s wedding in 2 months but I can’t get excited because of the sheer dread of how i’ll look in photographs. To the point where I am going an an amazing 2 week holiday travelling to some of the most beautiful places in the world but am I excited? Nope – swimsuit. How is this possible? How are we programmed to believe that in order to be happy in a situation in our lives we have to look a certain way?
For as long as I can remember I have truly disliked the way I look. When I see somebody get their phone out to take a photo, I feel an instant pit of my dread in my stomach. I can’t remember the last time I properly looked in a mirror. In a morning I look at myself from the shoulders up (explains the outfit choices), and when i’m out somewhere I purposely avoid looking in any mirror or reflection as I know that even if I see a glimpse of myself it will totally ruin my day – how sad is that? I’m the sort of person that can find a million and one faults with myself, but somehow never notice a thing with anybody else. I know that the way I see is myself is not the way i’m viewed by others, and the insecurities I have are probably not even on anybody elses mind when they look at me but that somehow isn’t much comfort when your self esteem is at a record breaking low is it?
It’s not just the way you feel in yourself either though, it’s the comments of other people that make you stop and think ‘why would you ever say that out loud?’ closely followed by ‘how sad that this is the first thing that’s popped into your mind.’
I have been to a few dress fittings recently and my dress doesn’t fit me by about 0.5 of an inch because since December I have simply put on 0.5 of an inch around my boobs and my waist. When I was first told this I wasn’t sad, disappointed or ashamed of myself and wanting to quickly and drastically change my appearance. To me, i’d simply been notified that i’d happened to put on a small amount of weight. It wasn’t until this information was followed with how I should lose it by my next visit, or some ‘diet and exercise tips’ on how to do this that it was a bit of a blow. Why do I need to lose it? If something doesn’t fit surely you just change it? There’s this general opinion that if you put on weight/lose weight you obviously must be mortified and need to do something about it immediately and that kind of pressure just isn’t healthy for anybody. Why do we suddenly feel something we didn’t feel before based on the opinion of one person and why is so much pressure attached to our appearance?
It’s hard to not feel pressure with the media today. Every other day there’s somebody beautiful who has probably done a million and one incredible things with their life but the headline? “Drastic weight gain” or “weight loss worry” It’s so hard not to compare yourself to this. I regularly look at these photos and think wow, if they’re calling her overweight then what the hell am I? We’re all guilty of doing it – as they say, nobody is ever happy with what they have but how far is too far? When you have young impressionable girls that, instead of going out and enjoying their childhood, are comparing themselves to celebrities and worrying about their weight or how they look, in what world is that right?
I realise that this post so far has mainly been me rambling and asking a lot of questions and not really answering them but I had some pent up frustration and getting ‘pen to paper’ so to speak always helps relieve that (and a bottle of wine of course)
To summarise my ramble, appearances are nothing in the grand scheme of life. If you’re looking for a bikini body, put a bikini on your body. Beauty should always be determined by your actions and inner self so be kind, grateful & caring – and always remember the impact that even 1 word has to somebody else. Make it a lovely one! x
“Don’t miss out on 95% of your life just to weigh 5% less”